Of course so many of us are housebound (and those of you who aren’t see my momster side-eye). I’m a bit of a natural recluse anyway and I was just telling a friend that I wonder if in the end this lockdown is such a great thing because I’m finding it pretty peaceful.
Maybe too peaceful.
Except for the intrusion of things, which ramps my anxiety up to 10-x what it usually is. The littlest thing makes me feel like I struggle to focus and function. I’ve discovered on shopping days I get little else done because of the concentration required to procure goods and maintain hygiene habits. I sleep a lot but irregularly and with nightmares. Writing is really tough and requires lots of downtime prior to get myself in a place to produce and focus. (I’m taking a class for that right now, which is cool.) But also everyone is here and they talk and shit. Not terribly conducive to being all on my lonesome, which I really need to write.
I decided not to accept or pursue any online events and cut my calendar significantly. Really only Mile Hi Con seems small enough to feel more under control. I almost certainly will miss Denver Pop Culture Con (on the docket for Thanksgiving Weekend… so far. I can’t imagine it being allowed to proceed without a massive change medically). So you’ll see my Tour page is nearly empty.
Is anyone else feeling as if a reset is in order? It’s a time of change (graduations, moving forward, and a tougher time than I think with the pandemic. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s all real, that it’s okay for walks and yoga and some reading to feel like it makes up a day, and that my feelings are real. I’ve gotten super good at gaslighting myself, but I’m coming to realize this need to slow down is legit and I’m trying not to worry if it’s a permanent thing or if it even matters either way.