I wonder if I should make a list of reasons I’ll quit you on Twitter. Obviously YMMV because of course it does and every post needs a caveat. But it seems like I spend a full half of Twitter not really getting what the hell people are talking about anyway and then when you say something irritating with or without clappy hands I just… no. Can’t. Full stop. (Also caveat: not a complete list)
Come to think of it, clappy hands emoji might top The List.
No, jk, being a racist, sexist troll tops it.
Also on this list is just the lecture-y tweets. Look, I still have a mother who still tells me how to behave. I have a trans-son, so I’m all about the LGBTQ support, and another kid with his own stuff so that I’m pretty cool with people not being exactly like me every moment. I have a big messy extended family and friends who have seen some shit let me tell you. So far nothing on Twitter on how to think, “awareness tweets” or whatever the fuck they are, actually have made a difference to my way of thinking.
Hot Takes (like no swears or writers always write between the hours of 4a and 2p and intermittent fasting is the only way and standing desks forever even though some of us literally can NOT stand up…)
Your bullet journal, which to me is right behind Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vagina Perfume on my To Buy list.
Political thinks or not-thinks or likes or hates. Look, you don’t want to talk politics with me. I’m depressing as hell about it and nuanced enough I’ll just piss you off.
Shipping is something I don’t really get because I just don’t automatically put characters into pairs but I generally can pass those comments by without much notice.
All this begs the question what do I like to see on Twitter, since I go hang out there so much.
I like to hear about BOOKS: books you wrote, books you read, books you think are pretty, even books that don’t resonate with you (UNLESS THEY ARE MINE DON’T TAG AUTHORS IN NEGATIVE REVIEWS WHAT ARE YOU JUST MEAN??) Shelfies, though, are awesome.
Gentle reminders to Breathe, to get some fresh air, to smile, to sit up straight, to drink your water, and that you’ll be okay, everything will be okay hugs if you want them.
Sincere, not wokish, wishes for happy various holidays.
I like tweets on racial issues from people of color because that’s something I’m interested in, plus LGTBQ, especially transfolk, who want to speak their minds or need a boost. I do tend to shy away from angry tweets on these issues, not because your anger isn’t justified just that I internalize it to a degree I can’t function sometimes.
Quirky shit that happens to you. Odd stuff people do in their cars while commuting because here in Colorado it’s mostly smoking weed. The weird thing you wanted to buy the antique shop. Anything Dog Related. The time you listened to a married Italian man take a beating from his Spanish lover outside the Pantheon… oh wait. That was me. But you get the point.
I want to hear about your vacations and your copy edits and your research for your next book (which are fun things I’m following right now). What TV shows are good? Is the Witcher’s horse immortal? Is Baby Yoda actually a baby?
I like when you get high and say funny stuff. (Or even don’t be high and say funny stuff, I don’t care.) I like to see what you’re eating and especially what you’re drinking. I like you being you, unless you being you is being a lectur-y troll who only ever thinks about telling people what to think about politics, life while clapping your hands our face. Stop that right now and post a pic of a dog and what you had for lunch as penance.